Papa would be proud

I just talked to Aunt Lynne.

She asked "Is it true you are studying to be a rabbi?", I answered yes (well I have to get accepted, etc, but yes I am."

and what she said next took my breath away...

"Papa would be proud."

That's basically all the motivation I need right there. I can now fly through these essays.

I am staying safe due to recent events in Gaza...It is different actually living here when these things happen, as opposed to reading about them in American newspapers.

Love to all.
-Lauren

Oh My Goodness!!!

I had a wonderful, wonderful evening!

Colleen and I went to the Kotel this evening.

Guess who I ran into...Daniela Feldman, Evan Gadol and Zach Wienstein!!

Daniela and I screamed when we saw each other, ran and gave each other hugs (multiple hugs of course) :)

I just kept on bumping into people I knew from camp!

AND it happened to be the same night that 3 units of the IDF were having their ceremony to be initiated into the Israeli Army! I heard "Shomone Alienu" and of course Hatikva. It was the first time I heard Hatikva here in Israel and it was in Jerusalem, as I stood with my face touching the Kotel. Pretty powerful stuff.. Amazing, amazing night...

Now off to write more essays...

Baruch...Dayan HaEmet

 Baruch...Dayan HaEmet-Blessed are you Lord...the Judge of truth

I decided to take the day off from yeshiva because of Great Grandma.

Initially I was going to try to go and see how I felt, but I just could not focus-I ended up crying in the bathroom. I talked to a good friend of mine who I've met at the yeshiva and told her why I was upset and what was wrong. Strangely enough, I called her this morning-I had absolutely no idea I called her.

I decided to talk to Reb Shmuel (the Rosh Yeshiva) about the particularities of mourning. He said that I can say kaddish only if no one else is saying it for her and I get permission from my parents (because Baruch Hashem they are both still alive). I have not found out if someone will be saying kaddish for her.

I plan to go to the Kotel (Western Wall) with a great friend of mine from university. I want to take advantage of being able to actually go to the Kotel. 

Bbye for now.

Rabbinical School Essays..

I am currently working on my essays to Rabbinical School.

The first time I began writing these essays I started to tear up. I think it was out of gratefulness and awe of the fact that I was really beginning to make this a reality. I am writing essays for an application to rabbinical school...

These questions are about the most challenging questions I have ever had to write about. But wow. I am just so excited to see how they are going to turn out. I cannot wait to finish them and see what comes out of this experience. It is quite interesting because they are questions I have been thinking about for years..it is just difficult for me to write down my reactions.

Concerning this process of writing the essays, I have mixed feelings of being frustrated, but also being so beautifully excited by the outcome and journey I will take by writing them.

With me luck....

Love is all you need.

This has been one heck of a week. I've learned a lot and continue to appreciate how beautiful life is-even when it seems that it is possibly at it's worst.

I was talking to a dear friend of mine recently and we were talking about love, self love, love from G-d, etc. I was so moved by her words, that I had to share them-in hope they can help you too. This has nothing to do with our personal lives. We just really enjoy talking about hard issues, morality, growth, life, life lessons, theology, etc  :-)

"It takes a lot of time to earn trust [...] but the thing is, people are fallible and they're going to make mistakes. That's the beautiful thing about love and why G-d's love is so important. We must forgive one another , trust them even when we're not perfect, because G-d does that for us and that's how love works. And love is so important. It's a part of faith and what makes there "a point" to anything at all. And that love and trust is important in our self love as well."

"People we love deserve that love coming from someone's who's strong enough to love themselves. We let ourselves down more than anybody else (except G-d)."

"The people we love need us. We can serve them best when we are strong. We're all going to be weak, but we must be as strong as we can for each other. That is why it's just as important to learn to love, trust, and forgive yourself as it is to do that for someone else."

You know, it's a wonderful feeling to wake up and feel blessed by being alive.

I forgot to mention that recently we were studying at the yeshiva and people began gathering outside. I was busy in chevruta, but I decided to take a look to see what the commotion was about. There was the most beautiful and vibrant rainbow I had ever seen before. It was huge. We all said a blessing over it, too. Come to think of it, I think the parsha that week was close to Noah.

I can't remember if I told you all this or not, but I went to netanya (near tel aviv) for Simchat Torah. It was one of the best weekends I've had here. We went to a congregation whose congregants are mostly made up of elderly people. Some CY students went to this congregation for Simchat Torah to give the shul a ruach boost :) We danced in circles with the torah, sang songs, the Rabbi got on top of one of the CY students shoulders, while holding the sefer torah! It was an incredible experience.

I held and danced with a torah for the first time. I did it about 4 times. It was one of the most incredible experiences ever. To know that I was holding something so sacred. So ancient. Something that has kept the Jewish People together for generations. Something that I am learning to get closer to and apply to my daily life. I remember having a moment where I was holding the Sefer Torah and just hugged it. I just felt this rush of warmth running through my body. I also led a hakafot, which during Simchat Torah you circle the room 7 times. I led one of those! Also, during Simchat Torah everyone in the shul get's an alliyah. They are called to the torah to say the blessing before and after someone reads from the Torah. What we did was, we split the congregation into groups and one person said the alliyah for that group of people. I did it for one group of congregants! I did so many beautiful things for the first time there at Netanya. I don't know what it is about the Rabbi's shul. When I am there I feel like I can do anything.

I need to get going, but I'll post more soon enough. Tonight I am going to my Talmud teacher's house for Shabbat Dinner! I'm soooo excited!

Love you all and miss you.

Life is Beautiful.

Yes. I do want to be a rabbi.

When I push all of the negative things out of the way (such as the yetzer harah and the negative voices in my head) and as I logistically figure out details-when I see that happening (as it is slowly beginning to now) there is no doubt in my mind. I see myself doing what I need to do in my life. I see myself shining and glowing. I see the world and it looks brighter to me. Making a difference not only in other people's lives, but in my own, too. I light up when I look at a piece of text that I have not studied before (or even if I have). I light up when I do a mitzvah-or when I see other people doing mitzvot.

I should just embrace it. it is not going to be easy, but I really do believe this is what's going to make me truly happy-Some opportunity for me to be able to give to the Jewish People. Whether that is teaching, being a pulpit rabbi or some other form of a rabbi. I know I have to do this. And please know I am open to change and evolving.

Please tell me your thoughts.

:)

I recently talked with a rabbinical student about my life, challenges, dream, goals, etc. It was incredible. I talked (and had dinner) with him from 830pm until about 11pm. I think tomorrow I am going to go have lunch with another rabbinical student about the same thing. I am very excited.

Only in Jerusalem can you hear families singing the kiddush or shalom alienu or the blessing for the ushpitzin as you walk down the street. It is so beautiful. I recently heard a little child, who had to be about 4 singing the Grace After Meals with his/her Abba (Father).

I have pictures to put up of my time here so far, but I am waiting for my new powercord to come in. Bernie, thank you so much for allll of your help. It lasted as long as it could!

I had really forgotten how much I LOVE Succot! Seeing people carrying around lulavs and etrogs. Being in a minyan with people I know (and don't know) doing Hallel and Hoshannah. I LOVE Hallel. It's one of my favorites. I hadn't done all of that since my days back in Rambam (middle school age).

One of the next chaggim (holiday pl.) is Simchat Torah. This is the celebration of finishing the cycle of reading the Torah (5 Books of Moses). I get to have an opportunity to go to Netanya (on the coast 15 min walk from the BEACH) with friends from the yeshiva and celebrate Simchat Torah with a congregation which is mostly made up of elderly people. We get to give them a ruach (spirit) boost to celebrate. I'm so excited and looking forward to doing this good deed!!

I'll definately write more later, but now I must eat dinner.

Love and miss you.